Intimacy - Hanif Kureishi

It’s a daunting task to explain a personal book. How could one explain something that resembles a journal more than it does a typical piece of fiction? The biggest challenge lies in capturing every emotion, word or thought in entirety that resonates with one as (s)he reads along, and conveying it with all its essence to the reader. A word of advice, though – If the reader of this piece is going through a serious conjugal trough or divorce proceeding, it may be advisable to avoid this book, for it will surely not make things better. Reflections are not always desirable, especially if they reiterate a possibly destructive disposition. But I must not talk about desire right now.

Hanif Kureishi makes it very clear with the very first statement what he is about to reveal to us. Jay, his protagonist, tells us that “he’s leaving and not coming back”. He doesn’t give us an explanation at the outset on what has prompted him to make such a life-changing decision, but we know that there are some intimate revelations coming our way (The title is suggestive enough). So we are done with the conclusion of the journal (more apt a description than “novel/novella”). Sure enough, Kureishi is going to take us on a journey of reflections and confessions of a man whose life has been moulded by the sex, drugs and rock and roll culture of a generation that prizes freedom above all. He has no regard for morality or religion, is averse to stability, and is perfect poster boy for a rebel-without-a-cause campaign.

Now most of those on the wrong side of thirties (or forties) going through midlife crisis, feel the need to break free from the monotony of their lives after marriage, but  would never actually take a step in the direction of achieving that elusive liberation. Bound by the chains of responsibilities and realities, their minds can only be seduced by the wanton desire to break free. Passions are often suppressed by the pressures of work, relationships and duties. Even if and when they think of separation, they are held back by the thoughts of children and loved ones. Over time it is accepted that this is the way life has been, is, and will always be. Eventually one grudgingly imbibes this and finds solace in the routine outings, hobbies and perhaps an occasional fling.

That’s where Jay differs.

He’s self-absorbed, selfish and irresponsible. He’s so sad that his body can’t muster enough strength to send his “piss” in the right velocity and radial direction. He’s also self-loathing in ways that we lowly individuals wouldn’t dare to admit even if we did hate or pity ourselves to that degree. His descriptions and confessions almost shock us; there is no hesitation in revealing the most intimate details that are bound to make one say, “okay we didn’t need to know THAT”.

He occasionally provides for the emotional needs of those around him, but for his own selfish reasons. He does not love his independent and responsible wife and yearns for his lover’s affections. At this point, one may be inclined to think that it’s perhaps his partner who cannot complete him and that’s why he wants to leave. She is not particularly unlikeable, but her fault is her inability to share his symptoms of mild lunacy. He is attracted to chaos, gloom or depression, whereas she loves decorum, self-discipline, and accountability. Needless to say, they share a dull and disconnected relationship, but not a particularly stormy one.

There isn’t much Jay thinks or cares about, except for his obsession for freedom (and to some extent, his kids). Although he has made up his mind, his conscience keeps reminding him the consequences of his actions. His love for his kids compels him to reconsider, as do his interactions with a particular family-loving friend, who, hating to see him “blown about by such passions”, urges him to consider giving up this mad quest.

But to no avail. He’s deluded by the appeal of a new life sans any commitments, full of steamy nights with other women, in a bare apartment “in a Bohemian part of town” that he shares with his friend (and mentor) Victor who had walked down the same road earlier. He is seduced by that “naughty and unsettling” desire, that “devil that does not sleeps or keeps still [and] does not conform to our ideals.” Eventually he caves in to that desire - that evil mistress who seduces him with dreams of a new life, convincing him to leave everything and everyone.

In parts it seems that Kureishi wants to make Jay an object to pelt stones at – an ironic approach since Intimacy is possibly an account of Kureishi’s own mid-life crisis (there are many parallels that suggest the connection – their jobs, family backgrounds, and the fact they both won Oscars). He almost exaggerates Jay’s ridiculous quest to be young all over again and supposedly follow his dreams. His lascivious accounts of sexual exploits make him look more like a sex-starved, desperate caricature of a middle-aged man, who is just wants to have some fun. At one point, he shamelessly boasts about the night he shared a bottle of Champagne with a lover, while his partner was grunting on a hospital bed pushing out a baby from her womb.

But on a deeper inspection, we realize we are witnessing a thorough dissection of a disillusioned individual, who never really settled down mentally or emotionally. Brought up in the 70s (an eventful era), he, like many of his peers, sees the world in a different light, than, let’s say, people born in the later or earlier decades. We see his confusion in his thoughts, desires, and even political ideologies.  His brutally honest, self-demeaning accounts of his past and present convey a certain desperation associated with a beaten, broken man, who wants the thrill of speed in a life that has come to a standstill. Nevertheless it doesn’t prevent us from loathing him.

Part of that conviction can be attributed to Kureishi’s skill. He doesn’t hesitate to use colloquial language and yet conveys profound philosophies with utmost conviction. The controversial work is remarkable in its depth and intricacy of the emotions of a man plagued by disorientation. His painful revelations trouble us but they remind us what we can, but should not, become.